BETRAYAL HURTS
Everyone has been betrayed at one time or another in their life. Some betrayals are much worse than others, but believe me, any betrayal leaves scars and is painful.
So the biblical story goes . . . Judas, for thirty pieces of silver, betrayed Jesus. I believe Judas’ ultimate betrayal must have started well before actually accepting the silver coins. Betrayal begins building slowly in the heart/mind, (where love resides) before taking over the logical mind as ego-filled “righteousness”. When betrayal encompasses the mind, it then explodes in one form of disaster or another. I find it ironic that Judas is known for betraying his Master for money, when in fact, money meant very little to Judas. He more than likely betrayed Christ for very personal and seemingly rational reasons, known only to him. I don’t believe he betrayed Jesus for the literal receiving of silver coins as a service for betrayal. After all, Judas was the treasurer for all the disciples. He helped raise and distribute funds for the ministry of Jesus. He didn’t need to betray Christ for money. He could have easily stolen money from the treasury funds.
So why did he betray a man so noble, kind, good, and strong? I feel his betrayal had to be much deeper than mere money. His turning against the Son of God must have been precipitated by jealousy of Jesus and his fellow disciples, perceived slights, or misconceptions of personal “words”. He more than likely misinterpreted his own feelings and the teaching words within Jesus’ ministry, which grew into the ultimate betrayal. The consequence of his horrific betrayal of Jesus still stings the world with pain. Judas must have fostered feelings of resentment and anger for a long time, and then somehow embraced total sin, concluding he was doing the right thing when he betrayed Jesus and his fellow disciples. His sin was much more dire than just the actions of a greedy man. His betrayal was complete in its act. It was the betrayal of love and forgiveness so pure, he would never experience anything so wondrous, ever . . . again. He betrayed himself and an entire universe!
Even today, betrayals between friends, business associates, and family members slowly grow into the ultimate painful betrayals that eventually occur, rather than just happen in a moment’s flight of time. I’ve been betrayed for money, love, creativity, jealousy and just plain greed, need and seed. It all hurts like hell! The phrase “What goes around, comes around”, is of little comfort when a person at the receiving end of a betrayal is in the midst of blindsided pain, when all you can think about is the encompassing loss and pain.
How does one recover from betrayal? I don’t think we ever really do. We forgive. We learn from our betrayals and move on. Hopefully, we don’t put ourselves in the same position of being betrayed by the same type of person again. Unfortunately though, we seem to repeat our “choosing of certain relationships” over and over again, until we “get” the lesson. The hardest lesson for me to learn about betrayals is forgiveness. I find it absolutely necessary and the hardest chore of all is to forgive myself and move on with life. I find I need to forgive myself first and live up to the mistakes I may have made in the relationship, in order to allow it to go bye-bye forever. Forgiveness of the other person involved in the betrayal is a much slower process for me, and in order to achieve forgiveness of the other person, I have to first forgive myself.
It would be great to live in a world where people have more human-ness and less animalistic tendencies, but that isn’t the world we live in. There’ll always be needy, greedy, and seedy people to contend with. We just have to learn to draw boundaries of what we’ll accept from them and what we can give back in return. I also have learned to trust my instincts better. If I “feel” a new person or business associate will stab me in the back, they probably will. I’ve learned to trust myself more and lean on my instincts. I’ve also learned to test the waters of new relationships more. I try and establish the plain-view boundaries before the potential betrayer reaches across the line and buries me. None of this means I have turned into a mistrusting human. Just the opposite! I still read the potential energy and talent of new business associates or friends and get excited at the possibilities. But now . . . I look beyond the obvious potentials of the “new” person and slowly get to know their soul before I invite them into my world and business.