STEPPING STONES – Youthful Poetry – J. Bartlett
How I See
I remember me
My eyes were windows to a world
that seemed so vast and huge
I could only take in one picture at a time
Each picture presented a new feeling
a new day, a new beginning
Days turned into months, months into years
as I learned about my world
The seasons changed
Summer, fall, Winter and Spring
Like the seasons
I found that people change
I learned about smiles, laughter, tears,
Fears, and love
As each new scene appeared
my eyes became my judge and jury
The window to my world had become
a part of me…
Six Of Us
One became two
two became three
three became four
four became five
then there were…
six of us
Twelve searching eyes
six hungry mouths
twelve yearning arms
all entwined… brothers and sisters
One by one
we each followed
a distant drummer
down paths of
disillusionment
heartache and pain
love and sharing
gradually caring…
about our individuality
Twelve searching eyes
six hungry mouths
twelve yearning arms
all entwined… for eternity
Giants Walk The Halls
My first day of school
I can’t open the door
It’s so big and heavy
Guess I won’t have to go
Along comes a giant
laughing in glee
He kicks open the door
shoves me in
Leaves me standing all alone
The halls go everywhere
They must reach Heaven
I wonder if other giants live here
Which way should I go?
I see another tiny face, like mine
She seems to know more than me
Maybe if I follow her
I’ll find the way
Little Big Girl
You were such a big baby
little girl
Big girls don’t suck their thumb
little girl
Who do you look like
little girl
Sit at the big desk
little girl
Stand in the back
little girl
Erase the blackboard
little girl
You can do it
little girl
You are the biggest
little girl
Watch your sister
little girl
Big girls grow up
never being . . .
little girls_
Behind My Smile
Don’t laugh at me
’cause I can’t cry
I can’t let you see
the fear
behind my smile
I’ve been told
I’m all grown up
Big girls
don’t cry
Don’t laugh at me
cause I can’t cry
I can’t let you see
the tears behind my smile
Buffalo Schoolhouse
On Friday night
down at the schoolhouse
we had the movin’ picture shows
Saturday it was the dance hall
Swing your partners do-si-do
On Sunday mornin’
we’d don our best
to hear the visitin’ preacher man
Monday when the old bell rang
it was back to school again . . .
I remember my first picture show
when I was barely three
I sat real high, like all the rest
on top of my Grampa’s knee
On the screen in black and white
I learned bout the wild-wild West
How the good guys always won
by shooting the bad guys best
Boy, do I remember
the fun on Saturday nights
We let loose
kicked up our heels
danced till the morning light
The band played good old country tunes
we never missed a beat
We raised the roof – off that school
to the sound of stomping feet
I remember my first revival
with the visitin’ preacher man
When I won me a bright red Bible
with a picture of the Promised Land
I went down front like all the rest
and I told my baddest sins
about a corn-cob pipe
a stolen kiss
and a sip of Grampa’s gin
On Friday night
down at the schoolhouse
we had the movin’ picture shows
Saturday it was the dance hall
Swing your partners do-si-do
On Sunday mornin’
we’d don our best
to hear the visitin’ preacher man
Monday when the old bell rang
it was back to school again
First Boyfriend
He had to be the cutest boy
that I had ever seen
Bright, red hair
blue, blue eyes
the face in all my dreams
I told my friends
to tell his friends
that I thought he was special
He told his friends
to tell my friends
that he thought girls
were yucky
I told my friends
to tell his friends
that I thought boys
were yucky too
then…
I changed the face
in all my dreams
Can You See What I See?
I bought a pair of sunglasses
They’re pink with butterflies
One for each corner
One for each eye
I went out onto the field alone
where flowers grew wild and tall
I danced among the sunlit grass
a Fairy Princess at a ball
I bought a pair of sunglasses
They’re pink with butterflies
One for each corner
One for each eye
Fantasy
I found a picture of a naked lady
She was lying on satin sheets
She wore gold bracelets around her wrist
and red polish on the toes of her feet
I’d never seen a naked lady
nor lain on satin sheets
I saved the picture for all my dreams
and bought polish for the toes of my feet
The Change Of Time
It rained all night
I heard the sounds
pounding on the roof in fury
On go my boots and yellow coat
I know that I must hurry. . .
There’s a whole new world to conquer
lakes of puddles outside my door
I build a fleet of wooden ships
that float from shore to shore
The sun comes out and warms my back
My lakes become small streams
I build dams around my fading world
to try and hold my dreams
It rained all night, I heard the sounds
pounding on the roof in fury
On go my boots and yellow coat
I know that I must hurry. . .
Wishing Well
She was just a little girl
when her world fell apart
She didn’t understand divorce
but she knew it broke her heart
No one noticed how she hurt
They thought she couldn’t tell
She kept it bottled up inside
and told her wishing well
She wrote Santa Claus a letter
put her trust in him
Cause he’d bring her Daddy back
and fix her world again
She got a baby doll that cried
and it’d be hard to tell
who cried the bigger tears inside
the doll or wishing well
My Golden Horn
I used to follow my grandfather
as he mowed the cemetery grass
I followed him like a shadow
so many questions I asked . . .
I was interested in all the people
who were buried beneath the ground
He recited historical accountings
as I followed his mower around
He told me about the soldiers
whose names were etched on stones
He said they’d died in distant lands
and returned to their grave-side homes
He told me burial “Taps” was played
so all of the Angels knew . . .
that a brave soldier was coming home
to rest in Heaven’s Blue
I learned to play the golden horn
when I was barely seven
One of the songs I played the best
was “Taps” for the soldiers in Heaven
I used to follow my grandfather
as he mowed the cemetery grass
I followed him like a shadow
so many questions I asked . . .
Dead Is Dead
The man who owned the general store
“passed on” one summer day
His house was right next door to mine
So I heard what his friends had to say
They said, “He looked his finest”
He was “laid out in Sunday’s best”
He looked so “alive and peaceful”
They were “glad he was at rest”
I was confused about the whispers
What really happened to the man?
So I lined up with the others
to see for myself firsthand
Finally my turn came to see him
and I walked on through the door
I circled around his big gray bed
that was anchored to the floor
I stared at the man who was resting
in his best suit on a frilly bed
That’s when I knew for certain
that the man from the store was dead
Birthday Blues
Don’t come to my Birthday
see if I care
You’re only the most important person
I’d ever want there
Don’t come to my party
see if I care. . .
Your Wedding Ring
Today I found your wedding ring
tossed in a bureau drawer
It lay with other memories
from times that were no-more
I put it on my small left hand
in front of window’s light
It winked its dream of other times
its promise tinged with blight
I found a small black velvet box
and put the ring inside
I took it to my special place
where buried treasures hide
Today I found your wedding ring
tossed in a bureau drawer
It lay with other memories
from times that were no-more
Don’t Touch Me There . . . That Way
I’m not old enough to know
but, please don’t touch me there . . .
that way
Your touch feels wrong
I don’t feel happy when . . .
you touch me there . . . that way
I’m old enough now
and, I know
your touching me there was wrong
you made me feel dirty
and, I’ll never forget you
because . . .
even today . . .
I pull away . . .
from the one I love
when he touches me there . . . that way
I hope you never . . .
touched . . .
another little girl there . . . that way
Invisible Friend
I’ve got a friend
that you can’t see
I keep him hid
in me . . .
Waking Dreams
I’d lay awake at night
and form dreams
Wonderful dreams
that took me away
Far, far away
to another time
another dimension
Morning brought the truth
with its blinding light
Dreams shattered, scattered
rushed, hushed
lonely, afraid
Night would draw the curtains
against the day
Where mind and dreams
could stray, away
to a better place
to heal
to feel
to hide
Silent Tears For Daddy
In my heart there is pain
for a man who is a shadow
He haunts my dreams in sleepless nights
and silent tears do follow
In my dreams I find a key
and run towards a door
With shaky hands I turn the lock
but he’s not there no more
Will my dreams be us someday
a love that cannot be?
Will I find the key too late
for me to set you free?
For, in my heart there is pain
for a man who is a shadow
He haunts my dreams in sleepless nights
and silent tears do follow . . .
Daddy’s Home!
He appeared from out of nowhere
without a warning before he came
I had dreamt about the moment
my dreams were always the same . . .
He’d swoop me into waiting arms
hold me tight against his chest
He’d tell me how much he loved me
then we’d put the pain to rest . . .
It didn’t happen the way I dreamed
He didn’t recognize me at all
I was six when he went away
now I was twelve and very tall . . .
When he asked, “Is she one of mine?”
I thought my heart would break in two
I made sure he never saw the tears . . .
the pain was nothing new
He only stayed a week or so
never caring to say good-bye
When I heard he’d gone again
there were no more tears to cry . . .
I saw a man I didn’t know
He met a child he’d left behind
My childish dreams died that day
for the dreams were only mine . . .
What Happened To You?
If you hadn’t been so jealous of me,
I’d never have cared
that I was changing physically
My feelings stayed the same
You were my best friend
Because I developed breasts before you
you made me your enemy
You made such a big deal
out of my first bra
taunting – teasing
I’d have done anything
to have your flat chest
to be your friend again
Did your breasts ever grow?
Did you?
High School Ring
All the “in” students
wore a high school ring
It was a coveted treasure
Certain privileges it would bring
If rings were exchanged
between the boys and girls
it meant you were a couple
Taken . . . no longer available
The girls wore the guys’ ring
around their neck on a chain
The guys wore the girls’ ring
if they remembered . . .
Couples were paired correctly
The male basketball captain
went steady with
the female head-cheerleader
The male president of the class
went steady with
the female secretary
The school’s male jock
went steady with the best-looking girl
The dutiful Catholic girls
went steady with the Catholic boys
The Protestant girls
went steady with either religion
The tall, tall guys
went steady with
the short gals
The tall, tall girls
went steady with older boys
And always . . . to be “in”
you had to wear
“the ring”
What Does “If” Mean?
I’ll love you . . .
If . . .
I’ll give you my ring . . .
If . . .
I’ll be yours forever . . .
If . . .
I’ll never break up with you . . .
If . . .
I’ll marry you . . .
If . . .
“See” No Evil “Feel” No Evil “Speak” No Evil
You say you want my body
then see me
You say you want my kisses
then touch me
You say you want my love
then hear me
First Cigarette
I was “sleeping over” with a new friend
Her parents were asleep in their bed
She and I snuck out to the back porch
She handed me a cigarette
I watched her very carefully
as she stuck the “cig” in her mouth
lit the end with a match
inhaled deeply . . .
I lit my cigarette next
careful to imitate
I inhaled deeply, very deeply
I’m sure I appeared worldly
I forced myself not to cough
It took all my strength of mind
Then the waves of dizziness hit me
I was grateful it was dark
When we had inhaled the last puff
we returned to the inner house
I calmly went to the bathroom
dashed cold water on my ashen face
Then very sophisticated like
I sashayed into her room
It was my greatest performance
I should have won an Oscar . . .
Cars & Guys
“Did you see the dreamy new guy?”
“What kind of car does he drive?”
“Linda’s got a new boyfriend”
“What kind of car does he drive?”
“I’ll introduce you to my brother”
“What kind of car does he drive”?
“See that blond hunk? WOW!”
“What kind of car does he drive?”
“No, Silly! That big car is his parents’”
“What kind of car does he drive?”
The Two Faces Of Me
I’d stand looking into a mirror
there were two faces looking sad
One, the responsible daughter
the other, a teen going bad
There didn’t seem to be a middle
a balance between the two
Two faces caught in the darkness
no light came shining through
One face helped with the family
so many children . . . so much need
The other face was looking for freedom
in places that held only greed
I felt the mirror would crack someday
fragmenting the confusion and pain
Then I’d turn away from the darkness
afraid to see the faces again
I’d stand looking into a mirror
there were two faces looking sad
One, the responsible daughter
the other, a teen going bad
Temptation
In a deep and restless sleep
an image took its form
Two angels clothed in pulsing light
appeared from a cosmic storm
Above my head they soared in flight
I read their every thought
One was Temptation, the other Love
I was the prize they sought
Will You Love Me?
Will you love me?
if I give you my kisses . . .
Will you love me?
if I let you caress me . . .
Will you love me?
if I give you my body . . .
Will you love me?
when the night is over . . .