What Is Friendship?
I used to have hundreds of friends from all over the world, but as I grew older, I realized I only had a few precious friends. Those precious few are the ones who are always there for me, no matter what dire news there may be, no matter what time of day it is, or . . . no matter how amusing I am. They’re the ones who expect nothing from me, except that I be me. They’re the ones who call, just to make sure I’m having a good day and to cheer me on if I’m not. They’re the one’s who are rooting for me, and never pretend that my leukemia diagnosis is anything more or less than what it is. They aren’t afraid to make jokes about the dying process, or to commiserate about the afterworlds. They aren’t pretentious, nor are they in this duality friendship for anything more than that they care about me and find me to be a guiding light and friend. My true friends are not into competition with me, nor do they utilize my contacts selfishly in the entertainment world. In other words, they’ve proven themselves to be “friends” and . . . “givers”.
Like most people in this world of time and space (and) evolving maturity, I went through a lot of friends who . . . I would classify as “user friends”. Those so called friends who mainly used my talent for writing and creativity to jump-start and forge their own paths within the entertainment industry. An industry that I’ve more than paid my industry dues into over thirty or so years of writing. Those lifetime lessons were through evolving missteps, monetary outlay, and painful lessons, and . . . a lot of success. Don’t take me wrong. I’m more than happy to help out a fellow writer and creator, but many of my “friends” have literally borrowed my written talent and ideas, then . . . just conveniently forget where they got them in the first place. Back in the olden days, I would have just allowed them to take my ideas and use them as their own. Today, I call them on their indiscretions, but I’ve learned the hard way that confronting doesn’t necessarily change anything either.
I would never knowingly plagiarize another’s work, and I certainly don’t want anyone plagiarizing my ideas either. I’m more than willing to help acquaintances and old friends on a project, and if a project is sold later on down the road, I expect my name to go on the creative piece and the income from projects to come my way as well. That’s not too much to ask is it?
To be safe and not sorry, I now keep and date all projects I am asked to work on and draw up a contract. Isn’t it strange how humble and nice people can be when they want something, and how fast they ignore you when they sell a creative piece I may have helped write or an idea I helped create?
I’ve always been an idea person. One of those people who can see a project and come up with the perfect slogan or idea. Because it seems to come so easy to me, people tend to believe it erupts spontaneously from my mind. Yeah, I wish!
I had a friend in Las Vegas that I connected to a major network. She went on to sell millions of exercise tapes. She and I had a contract, but she decided I wasn’t worth paying the amount we agreed on and reneged on the deal. It would have cost me thousands to go to court and fight her in three states and she knew it. I had two large attorney firms look at the agreement between us and they both told me I could win if I went to court, but it would cost me around fifty thousand. She had millions of dollars (thanks to me) and I couldn’t afford to fight her. Was it fair? NO! But, I learned from my business deal with her that even with a contract, it takes a moral person with good intentions to make a business relationship last and grow. She wasn’t either. In retrospect, I knew what this person was spiritually like inside, and I went into business with her anyway. My mistake! I fell for her massive potential (what was on the outside) and didn’t pay enough attention to her true nature of need, greed, and seed.
I had another friend a few years back who I sent a complete proposal idea for a reality show. Imagine my shock when I saw the reality show on television, (with very small revisions.) When I confronted him and his manager, he got angry and self-righteous, and then blatantly informed me . . . “You don’t have a contract!” I didn’t! We had been friends for twenty plus years and I had been watching reality shows one night, and I challenged myself and wrote three potential shows that I felt would work. I e-mailed him the one with him as the star. He never asked if he could sell it, he just sold it without consulting me! It was already produced and on the air when I saw it air! Fair? NO! But, I should have gotten a contract and I didn’t. Even so, it may have been hard to sue for my rights as he resides overseas. I had trusted him. (So much for ethics in long standing friendships and relationships.)
If someone knows the answers to the mysteries of the boundaries of friendships, please tell me! Where does one draw the line between friendships, business, and creativity? Do we secretly want to be betrayed because creativity is a part of our daily being? Are we foolish to be so open with our creativity to anyone other than our own projects ? Ideas are flowing through my brain all the time, but does it mean I should hoard them to myself or express them? I’ve learned that contracts don’t seem to mean a darn thing (if) . . . the recipient of a contractual agreement truly wants to break it. That much I’ve experienced and learned first hand.
Now . . . is it morally right to allow someone else to utilize your potential and creativity for their own? Because creative ideas are free, and flow freely, are they up for grabs to just anyone who snatches them from your writings and ideas? I really don’t know. Since my last betrayal a few years ago, I’ve simply stuck “closely” to books and projects that deal directly with my own creations. Those projects that are already in print and on paper, trademarked, and copy-written in my name or my company’s name. Those projects are safe and are my own and cannot be utilized by others. Does it mean that we can’t help others with their creations and ideas? Maybe? Maybe we need to stick with our own potential and not help others try and actualize theirs . Guide them, yes, but maybe we don’t need to realize their dreams for them? I don’t know the answer or the division. Do you?