Dying Is Not An Option – Jaye Bartlett – 09
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, and Down to the Mayo I go . . .
Dan and I went down to the Mayo for my regular three-month blood test on the twenty-third of January. My blood levels and other tests have slightly progressed and the CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia) cells are still proceeding from within my bone marrow, marching forward . . . with my loyal lymphatic system slowly engulfing them into their magical inner world of protection and workings. There . . . within . . . the cells are filling my lymphatic system to overflowing, causing the nodes to grow increasing larger (like small balloons filling with water). The abundance of cancerous cells, and the remaining storage spaces within the nodal system are becoming more and more limited as time and space marches on . . . and on.
Breaking the whole lymphoma type experience down onto a personal level is pretty simple, considering I deal with my disease from the non-oncologist position only. The nodes in my neck area are expanding to beneath and behind my ears, pushing against the ear canals, causing hearing loss from time to time (they move around). The nodes also push against the cords in my neck, causing the nodes and cords to rub against one another, making it difficult to rotate my neck, especially when I sleep on them by mistake. The nodes beneath my armpits (the largest ones) have extended out to encompass my rib cage, causing me to experience discomfort wearing a bra for extended lengths of time. The enlarged nodes in my stomach area allow only limited/frequent feedings as the stomach area is involved in the nodal growth. The engorged nodes push up against my intestines and stomach, giving off a feeling of being full with practically any intake of food, (with the exceptions of puddings and the like . . .) Then finally, my greatest day to day nuisance is within the groin area, with massive nodes encroaching and moving around at will. Hurts like hell at times. Badddd period anyone?
In other parts of my body, not connected with the lymphatic system, nodes are also popping up. Little bumps here and there, for no rhyme or reason. Runaway nodes, I guess. My doctor just nods and says, “Yup, another wayward node outside the system.”
My Oncologist brought up the dreaded word “chemo” again. This time he suggested that maybe I was in denial about beginning my first chemo treatments, and stated that he was here to help me, not hurt me. That did get me thinking that I probably need to get my initial treatment going sometime in the next few months and shrink down the cancerous nodes within my lymphatic system. He reiterated that I would feel much better after the treatments were completed, and I would be afforded a remission (of sorts) from the over-burdened lymphatic system. It will take 3-6 months of chemo treatments, three days per month. The “cocktail” consists of three drugs and he’ll go over my drug options when I return in April for the MRI scans and blood tests
Don’t really like to think I’ve been in denial about beginning chemo, but maybe I have? I mean, if I do happen to be in denial, how would I know? Anyway, I am beginning to prepare and fortify myself for the inevitable treatments. It’s time to begin the march. Who knows, it may be easier than I think it will be.
Much Love, J