Valentine’s Tragedy
March 10th, 2009Here it is March 10th and I’m catching my BLOG up to date again. Sorry to leave you all in the lurch.
February was a badddd month for Danny and I. Our friends and neighbors, Larry and Debbie, had found work in Texas and were going to leave on Friday the thirteenth, Valentine’s Day. Danny had been over to their place, helping them load their R.V. and the U-Haul truck in order for them to prepare for the long road trip. Debbie and Larry’s son, Tim, had flown in from Texas and would be driving the U-Haul to Texas, loaded with their possessions. A spaghetti “farewell and good luck” dinner was being planned for later on that evening at another couple’s home and we were all going to meet there for the send off. Larry and Debbie planned to hit the road around seven or eight that evening to avoid Phoenix traffic. Tim would follow the R.V. with the U-Haul truck.
I had a hair appointment so I stopped by Larry and Debbie’s R.V. space to tell Danny I was going to town. I also brought the guys some cold drinks. Debbie sat in the car with me to warm up from the cold, and we joked around about it being Valentine’s Day and Friday the thirteenth. Larry joined us, laughing and joking, teasing me about something or another. (He was a funny, funny guy, and I adored him.)
I left for my hair appointment with Debbie needing to take the input cable box back to the cable company, and Danny needing to pick up his computer at a nearby business. She would ride with him and they would kill two birds with one stone.
I returned home around an hour and a half later, and Danny had just driven into our driveway. He was carrying the computer into his office area, and I followed to help set it up. He had just dropped Debbie off at the R.V. site, and had come straight home to set up the computer before dinner. He informed me the R.V. and the truck were loaded and ready to go.
We had around 15 minutes before we needed to go to the neighbors for the dinner, so we were plugging in the components to the computer when the phone rang. Danny answered and his face turned ashen. “NO!” he yelled, “NO!” He asked a few questions, put down the phone, and informed me that Larry had collapsed, and they were working on him. The medics and fire department were on the way.
Later on that evening, we all met at the neighbors after Debbie and Tim had returned from the hospital. We were told that Larry had died instantly and painlessly of a massive heart attack. This was a guy with no weight problems, tanned and lean, and a hard worker. He had just walked out of the back bedroom of the R.V. where he had been unhooking the TV and securing the slides. He made it to the stairs coming down into the living room quarters of the RV. (6-8 feet at the most) He sat down on the top stair, said “Oh,” and died of heart failure.
Debbie was inconsolable at best! Where to start? Where to live? What to do? In retrospect, I’m so glad her son Tim was with her, and her daughter was close in Phoenix. Larry’s death was a shock to us all. He was 60 years old and he and Debbie had been married for 35 years.
Debbie is going to stay in the R.V. space for a while until she can sort through all the insurances and other legalities. At present, she is in Texas with her son Tim and his wife, as Larry will be buried tomorrow in Dallas-Forth Worth with full military honors. When Debbie returns to Arizona, she’ll begin to try and figure out what to do with the rest of her life. I’ll be available for support and comfort, as will her other neighbors and friends. Something so tragic and so sudden propels us into action and I suspect Debbie will emerge strong and determined to find her place on another journey through life, but for now, I really feel sad for her and her family.
As for Danny and I, Larry’s death caused us to reevaluate our own life changing situations, and to prepare wills, trusts, etc. I thought I had done a good job of handling all the legalities for myself and my impending passing until Larry died, then I realized I had piles of un-filed paperwork to do, and “hands on” instructions to put into the safe, along with important papers. It also taught us that we had gotten caught up in my illness, and forgotten about Danny’s potential passing as well. Since Larry died, we have spent a lot of time talking about . . . what if, and what to do with our own “stuff.”
Debbie was truly caught unawares and unprepared. Larry’s sudden death was shocking, and a wake-up call for us all. Since his death, Danny and I have made adjustments to our own wills, trust, and legalities in general. We’ve learned not to wait for another day to limp on by to take care of paperwork. You “just” never-ever know what tomorrow will bring and being prepared is sooo much better than what Debbie and family are enduring at this junction in their lives! It truly never is the person who has passed that suffers from confusion in the aftermath of a tragic death. It’s the remaining family members who are left to deal with the pain as well as the unfinished resolution of their finances and legalities that can become overwhelming . . . and then . . . sadly . . . sometimes overlooked and lost in the turmoil!
From my vantage point, a little more estate planning by all of us and many of the ensuing aftershocks can be lightened, easing a sudden passing for our families. Larry’s passing certainly caused me to rethink our current situation as well. How prepared for a sudden death are we . . . really? Do we have three months (each) of living expenses plus an emergency contingency in a separate savings account where we can get to it? Do we both know where the important papers are? How about all the codes it takes today to get into our accounts? Sooo many lessons to learn, and sooo little time on this sphere to learn them all, but this is one lesson we must all face and learn from!
